What Ruins Us All
by fiestabear
Summary: Otabek decides to retire at the tender age of 26, but his long time boyfriend doesn't take the news well.


Yuri gets the news through twitter which sets off some silent alarms. For a moment, Yuri considers that the media is lying entirely but, there's no reason for the media to lie about something like this. This is one of those things you discuss with your partner beforehand; at least that's what Yuri understood based on the successful relationships around him. He and Otabek have been together for eight years now, but thanks to their lack of communication it had been rocky to say the least. Otabek was easy for someone like Yuri to read and understand when they were together, but thanks to their careers, distance was a constant strain on their relationship. Communication was always something Yuri and Otabek struggled with.

Yuri goes through his recently dialed and touches the green button before pushing it to his ear. On the third ring Otabek answers,

"Uh, it's 3 am…" Yuri ignores the attractive gruff of Otabek's morning voice,

"Well it's 1 am here and, according to twitter, you're retiring?!" He bites back his attitude, not knowing whether the rumors are true. Hoping they aren't.

"Surprise?" Otabek sounds more awake, but Yuri's breathe catches in his chest.

"I was hoping to tell you before the news got a hold of it but, yeah. I mean, I was actually wondering if you wanted to go house hunting on your side of town…" Otabek drops off noticing a shift in the silence on the other end.

"Yuri?"

"I'm sorry I'm just shocked." His distaste palpable. The attitude he attempted to hold back flows naturally, "I didn't expect any of this, and frankly I can't believe you would just assume we'd be living here or that we'd be living together at all?" It comes out harsher than he intends but, he's on a roll. They had never really discussed their relationship much and it was a sore spot for them both.

"The last time I checked I was dating a skater, so now that you're not skating what are you?"

The beep of a call ended is the last thing Yuri hears from Otabek.

A week goes by with no texts or calls both sitting on uncertainty about the other. Otabek is the first to break the silence, when one week turns to two, with a text.

I'm still retiring so if I'm just a skater to you I guess this is goodbye.

Yuri didn't know why he'd said those things in the first place. He was mad, shocked, and even disappointed. Otabek hadn't won gold and he was quitting? Yuri had many but, still felt unfinished, greedy for more. Yuri had asked Otabek when they last competed together if the other man was ready for next year. Otabek had simply shrugged off the question. Maybe that's what had him so riled up. They could have- should have, had this conversation in person when they'd had the chance. Yuri could have spoken up asking again, and Otabek could have been straight forward. Instead they were here. Every attempt Yuri makes to reply is deleted in frustration. He ponders if maybe this marks their end. He's always felt Otabek needed more of him than Yuri is capable.

Otabek has his own understanding of Yuri. He understands Yuri had problems expressing himself, but maybe they needed a break. Otabek felt defeated at Yuri's reaction. He'd known that this was a possible outcome, and this possibility was what kept him from telling the younger man. Every time he tries reaching out again he remembers the strangled anger in Yuri's voice and he can't push past it. Victor calls him just like he always does when something goes wrong. After the congratulations, Victor reveals his intentions of snooping;

"So how did Yurio react to your retirement?" The question is innocent enough, but the emotions Otabek's been holding back come rushing through as he chokes on his reply

"He left me and I tried," he admits with a strangled voice, "but either he's completely done with me or he doesn't know how to apologize. I don't know what to do." His confession to Victor has happened before and he feels like a burden answering before Victor has the chance to reply "I'm sorry. I'll figure it out thank you." And he ends the call ignoring another incoming call from Victor.

[Incoming call: The Pig]

Yuri ignores it as usual. Victor and Yuuri were meddlers and always had a good sense of when things went wrong. They probably got news of Otabek's retirement and knew how Yuri would react. Yuuri is persistent though, and finally Yuri answers with a loud and thoroughly annoyed, "What?!"

"What did you say to Otabek?" the tone is sincere and soft despite the situation.

"What does it matter to you?!" Yuri is playing tough, but knows that Yuuri has information he wants.

"Well, he's not picking up Victor's calls and he said you left him? What happened? Is this because he's retiring? Or is this another communication problem?" The guilt eats at Yuri, but he just scoffs. It's always frustrating how well Yuuri knows him, but it certainly makes things a little easier sometimes.

"Well, only you and Otabek know how to fix this whether you want to or not, but I hope you are happy with either decision, Yurio. And remember doing nothing is a decision in itself". The call ends amicably and gives Yuri something to think about. Despite Yuri's outward distaste of Yuuri there was a decent relationship that was getting harder to deny.

A month goes by with no communication between the younger couple. Yuri keeps as busy as possible. Even though Yuri doesn't want to leave things as they are he lacks the capacity and confidence to try anything else. He reasons that Otabek deserves someone better and him interfering will take away from Otabek. Keeping him locked in a relationship with so many problems was unfair no matter how much Yuri loves him. The thoughts effect his mood more than he realizes, but no one says anything. News travels fast in the skating community having Yuri avoiding social media as much as possible focusing on anything but.

Yuri has already begun preparing for the next season finding music and managing to find some time teaching. Time helps him move forward. Slowly, he finds himself thinking less and less of Otabek, something he wasn't sure was possible. Nonetheless, he finds himself all consumed with work and his future alone and begins feeling more content than he expected. The class he is now teaching has two boys and two girls and even though there are only four students, they keep him very busy. Yakov is supposed to be their coach, but Yuri finds himself filling the role unintentionally. Yakov is older now and Yuri can see how much the older man is pushing him to fill the position, but Yuri is unsure when it is clearly asked. Yakov tells him that he has until the end of this season to decide and drops the subject for a while.

The group of preteens are eager and focused and Yuri finds that he doesn't mind children; somehow finding patience he didn't know he had. All of his students were devoted to the sport as he remembers being.

"My mom says I need to watch what I eat and I was wondering if you had any advice?" A lanky boy Yuri remembers as Jacob says in broken Russian. Yuri notices all the teenagers are paying attention pausing whatever they were doing to listen to the answer.

"Well," Yuri starts, "Avoid sodas and carbonated drinks." He pauses letting the children who aren't native Russian speakers absorb his words.

"And eat when you're hungry. Very simple."

"Also eat your breakfast!" interrupts a voice that no one is surprised to hear. "Isn't that right, Yura?" JJ inquires

However wonderful the children may be their guardians were the worst. Especially when they had a big brother named JJ.

JJ has quieted with age and for that Yuri was thankful, but he couldn't seem to outgrow the arrogance. Talking over Yuri as he instructed to the point where Yakov threatened to ban him from the rink entirely, but he quiets before that happens. His sister, who is coincidentally Yuri's favorite, is nothing like her older counterpart. She is reserved quiet and utterly determined. He can understand JJ's pride and overall enthusiasm, but it doesn't make it any less annoying.

"Sarah, is definitely your best student but, I think that has more to do with me than you." JJ beams once Yuri glides within ear shot. Yuri glides a little closer to reply.

"I doubt it has anything to do with you, but she definitely has a future in skating if she wants it." Yuri admits with a shrug

"Wow, was that a compliment?" JJ looks annoyingly smug.

Yuri scoffs, "Of course, Sarah deserves all the praise. She's not just talented but works hard as well. It's inspirational." He says watching her practice and almost execute a triple salchow.

"What are you doing after this?" JJ asks suggestively

"Not you." Yuri retorts and attempts to skate away but JJ grabs his wrist before he can. Yuri glares back at JJ and then at the hand on his wrist like he could will it away.

"Look nothing creepy I just want to catch up and talk about my sisters' future with her potential coach." JJ pleads and lets go when he's finished.

Yuri considers JJ's words, "Fine, but you're paying" and skates back to his pupils.

Yuri knows JJ is a relentless tease; even when Yuri was with Otabek JJ had a bad habit of hitting on him. It only got worse after the divorce. The thought that Otabek would be furious if he knew that Yuri was going out anywhere with JJ didn't stick in Yuri's head for very long. Excitement of being Sarah's coach is thrilling and Yakov's offer is all he can think about. Teaching wasn't something he expected to love, but Sarah was such a good student it was hard not to love it.

Yuri shows up at the address given to him only ten minutes late finding JJ already seated at the bar drink in hand. Yuri would be lying if he said JJ was physically unattractive but his personality was what made you look twice. His attractiveness just added another layer of things to hate about JJ. Yuri takes the stool beside the slightly taller man and orders vodka tonic before looking to JJ. "So when is Sarah moving here to train? She seems eager." And so am I. Yuri doesn't say it though.

"I've already found us an apartment, but I want to surprise her so please don't tell her before I do." The bartender slides Yuri his drink and JJ orders him another one.

"So how long has Otabek been dating that other gold medalist?" Yuri nearly spits his drink at the topic change, but recovers quickly enough to shrug noncommittally. He hadn't known Otabek had moved on so quickly and the throb of his chest is sudden and then gone.

"I don't know or care." Yuri lies. JJ can see how uncomfortable Yuri is and happily changes the subject

"So are you planning to stop skating to coach or will you be attempting to do both?" JJ already knows the answer but it's an easier subject for Yuri.

"Well, what do you think I will do?" Yuri wonders how well JJ knows him

"Well", JJ pauses taking the question seriously, "I would think it'd make sense to retire to coach, but I think you'll do both for awhile."

Yuri is surprised at his accuracy.

"Well, you're not wrong."

Too many drinks later Yuri find that he doesn't hate JJ as much as he thought, but Otabek is still in the back of his mind. JJ makes one too many compliments and Yuri finds himself kissing the Canadian jerk. He tells himself it was to shut him up.

"I don't think you meant to do that" JJ says for Yuri when they part

"I did. I just didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did" Yuri admits, thanks to the five or so drinks that have loosened his lips. He can't help but to stare pointedly at JJs lips wanting more.

"My new apartment is within walking distance do you want to check it out?" Yuri knows what JJ is really asking but, finds that maybe he does want to.

Yuri wakes up with a headache and a naked JJ snoring beneath him. He peels himself off the other man as quietly as possible. He finds his pants first and can't help the furious blush on his face remembering the night before. JJ had been gentle and caring and a part of him wants to crawl back in bed with the other man. As Yuri finishes dressing himself JJ wakes silently staring at the man before him.

"Um, yeah. Thanks, and don't take this wrong but don't tell anyone this happened." Yuri says as gingerly as he is capable not wanting JJ to turn on him, but also saying it before JJ can.

"Well, I won't tell anyone but I did post a picture of us kissing on instagram so…" Yuri stops buttoning his shirt to gape at JJ in shock. JJ just stares back with a lazy smile that Yuri can't help admiring.

"What the fuck Jean?!" Yuri's not mad, but pretends to be as he searches for his phone.

"Sorry I thought you knew but I guess my kissing was a bit of a distraction." The smugness of JJ's voice burns Yuri and before he can do anything too drastic he finds his phone and jacket and leaves slamming the door behind him.

He has two missed calls from Victor and a voicemail he won't hear. He presses the green button and pushes it to his ear as he stomps home.

"JJ, really?" Is the greeting he gets

"You have no room to talk down to me old man" Yuri retorts "and besides it's not like I'm in a relationship."

"So you never called Otabek? That's how you end a relationship?" Yuri huffs at the accusing tone

"Well he moved on anyways" Yuri says bitterly tears staining his cheeks at the realization. He can't help the soft sob that leaves his mouth and Victor knows better than to mention it.

"Then why is he in Russia house hunting right now?" Yuri stops in his tracks which happens to be right in front of his building.

"What do y- " he hangs up the phone when he sees a familiar motorcycle parked at the curb and hurries inside hope and doubt a jumble in his heart.

The doors to the elevator opens too quickly revealing a jet lagged Otabek at his door. Dark circles under his eyes and wrinkled clothes almost looking as rough as Yuri feels. A part of Yuri wants to close the elevator doors and continue going up just to avoid the situation completely, but he makes his way out the elevator just enough for that to not happen. Yuri meets Otabek's gaze and there's something missing in this confrontation. After not seeing Otabek for awhile Yuri has a habit of throwing himself at the smaller man, but something is different. Yuri realizes that, in a way, he's moved on.

Yuri can't break the silence or the staring contest. Otabek looks almost relieved making Yuri feel guilty for not sharing the sentiment.

"I missed you." Otabek says plainly taking a few steps closer to Yuri.

"Look, you caught me at a bad time I really need a shower…" Yuri takes out his keys stepping around Otabek's shorter and thicker frame. Yuri doesn't want to talk despite missing his ex-boyfriend too. Yuri can't help but to worriedly wonder if Otabek knows about him and JJ. If he does know and still misses him maybe they still have a chance, he reasons. Though, if he doesn't and he finds out from someone else or even worse sees the picture…

"Do you want to come in and wait? Or we could just meet up later..." Yuri rushes through the open door leaving it open behind him hoping Otabek doesn't follow, but he does.

"I'll wait." Otabek says closing the door behind him. Already making himself comfortable in the familiar surroundings he lays on the couch feet up and bags thrown haphazardly. He definitely doesn't know, Yuri thinks to himself making his way for a long shower.

Despite worrying about his relationship with Otabek, Yuri finds himself thinking an awful lot about the night before. Initially he thought he'd been regretting it. Even considering how annoying JJ could be, he enjoyed the man's company last night. Yuri can't help but blush at the thought getting a little too excited remembering the strong man beneath him. Shame and guilt coupled with who was here in his apartment right now made him anxious. Yuri finally has a good idea of what he wants to do in this overly complicated situation. Something had to give. It was hard to overlook all that he and Otabek had been through together but even still.

"I don't care – consider it a one-time deal and be lucky I let you leave without hurting you. Yuri and I are back together and you are back to being insignificant." Yuri over hears as he is about to exit the bathroom, thinking it's Otabek on the phone. Yuri peaks out the bathroom door finding JJ and Otabek in a glare off and decides it's now or never. He opens the door clearing his throat announcing his presence. Both men look surprised, but Otabek is the first to speak.

"JJ was just leaving." He says a little too loudly still attempting to stare JJ down. JJ looks oddly uncomfortable and Yuri doesn't like it one bit.

"JJ," Yuri takes a soft tone trying to comfort the older man, "Would you mind if I call you later? I need to have a hard conversation with my ex." Yuri doesn't look at Otabek at all, but he can sense his surprise. JJ doesn't get smug which is even more surprising than anything; just gives a simple, "sure" and leaves without another look at Otabek.

"So, that's it then?" Otabek says in a harsh tone once the door clicks closed. One look at Otabek and Yuri knows how upset he is and it takes all his will not to reach out to the man he's loved for so long.

"Is this because I'm retiring?" Otabek is confused and Yuri can understand why.

"We haven't talked in over a month and I'd heard that you'd moved on so I tried to, too." Yuri admits, "And it was easier than I expected."

"I didn't move on though," Otabek says with a sob caught in his throat, "She didn't mean anything to me I just wanted to get your attention! You were the one who didn't text back! And then I get that picture of you and JJ on my feed and I got the first flight here, I need you Yuri!" the admission carries a sob and Yuri finally reaches out to hold his ex-lover. They make their way to sit on the couch and Yuri just let's Otabek cry.

"You deserve love, but more than I'm capable of, Bek." Yuri says as he threads his hands through Otabek's hair. The sides are still shaved but the top is much longer than he remembers. Yuri studies the beautiful man in his arms. His face is scruffy like he hasn't shaved in a few days. It would be so easy to continue their cycle of on-again off-again, but Yuri has made up his mind, and Otabek can feel it. They hold each other mourning the relationship they've just lost.

After what feels like hours later the couple separates and adjust in their respective seats.

"So JJ?" Otabek questions still a little upset.

"You're the second person to say that to me today." Yuri huffs, but continues;

"I went to talk to him about coaching his little sister. Did I mention I started teaching, again? Either these kids are better than most or I've managed to find some patience; either way I'm enjoying it." Talking about teaching brings a smile to his face.

"You've definitely mellowed with age." Otabek seems to soften with the admission.

"So, what happened to just talking?" Otabek says knowingly and for a second Yuri is a little scared about where this is headed. "I saw JJ limping. I never thought his ego would allow him to bottom." The joke takes Yuri by surprise and he can't help the loud laugh that escapes him. Once he quiets Otabek continues,

"So, you're not leaving me for JJ?"

"No, in fact I think I'll be single for a while." Yuri feels comfortable talking to Otabek about his plans. It reminds him of their simpler friendship; something he really can't do without.

"House hunting?" Yuri says changing the subject entirely. Otabek and Yuri had never lived together though Otabek had asked. Otabek had his condo for a while though he always complained about the location.

"I like the idea of buying a new home, just maybe not in Russia." Yuri nods knowingly

"So, you weren't serious about house hunting in Russia?" Yuri isn't sure why he still cares enough to ask. Otabek rubs the back of his neck not meeting Yuri's gaze before reluctantly answering.

"I was, but it was mostly to be near you and you know how I feel about the cold." Otabek laughs a little nervously and Yuri laughs with him lightly.

"What about Spain? You did love it there" Yuri recalls.

"Maybe Spain."

Otabek makes a few calls and a few hours later they're at the airport. A goodbye kiss is captured by the paparazzi and before Yuri makes his way out of the airport he's receiving a call from Yuuri. He waits until he's home to call back. leisurely walking back to his apartment taking some time for himself. He had too many people interactions for one day, but he knew he'd have to at least make a few more calls before the days end. Finally making his way inside his own apartment he goes through his contacts and decides to call Yuuri first.

"What does the great Katsuki Yuuri need from me?" Yuri says as sarcastically as humanly possible

"I just wanted to check on you." Yuuri soft tone always opening Yuri up.

"Well, I'm officially single which is weird." Yuri admits with a sigh.

"Are you happy with that decision?" Yuuri counters.

"Yeah, actually." And it's the truth. Romantic relationships were exhausting and troublesome and Yuri had other priorities. "I'm really excited to focus on coaching."

"Well, that's all I could hope for, Yurio. I also wanted to warn you that Victor and I will be in Russia in a few weeks to visit. I hear you have a star pupil-"

"I bet she was a fan of mine!" Victor yells over the phone from somewhere in the background

"Sorry Yurio, Victor is going through all his old costumes and I have to talk him out of taking all of them- NO WE ARE Not Taking my old costumes either- Bye Yurio!"

"Good luck!" Yuri manages to say before the line beeps its end. He chuckles under his breathe at the couple he's known for so long. Their love was something Yuri still didn't quite understand. He himself couldn't imagine living with someone so intimately. Space is something Yuri needs.

Yuri finds himself pacing phone in hand thumb hovering over JJ's contact information. It's something he needs to do sure, but what would he say? Suddenly, he has an incoming call from the man on his mind and he panics. The phone suddenly hot in his hands is tossed to the couch and quickly recovered and accidentally answering it in the process.

"Hello?" be breathes into the phone heart still trying to recover

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but before you over think anything I just wanted to apologize. I knew you weren't over Otabek completely yet and I shouldn't have invited you to my place, but I also don't regret it." Yuri can't help but laugh and JJ takes it as a good sign.

"So, would you maybe like to go out with me again sometime?" JJ continues, taking Yuri by surprise. At the silence, JJ attempts to comfort Yuri,

"Look, I'm not really looking for anything serious, but I'm also not seeing anyone else. If you're looking for commitment, I can try, but I'll be honest with you too."

Yuri scoffs, "I'm definitely not looking for anything serious." Yuri interjects before JJ can say anything to piss him off.

"Oh, well then do you want to get dinner with me in a few days. Maybe with you as the dessert?" A long groan escapes Yuri before he agrees

"Also maybe you should try calling before you show up to my apartment uninvited." Yuri suggests playfully

"Yeah, well if I'd thought you'd answer I would've done that, but you seemed… Upset to say the least. I didn't think you were that drunk" JJ admits solemnly

A sigh escapes Yuri, "I wasn't that upset you just have a way of bringing it out of me."

It takes a few years for Yuri to realize JJ likes the over dramatic reactions Yuri has to his bad pick-up lines and innuendos. A few more years for Yuri to realize he likes the constant drabble of JJ's voice; puns and innuendos included. Yuri finds himself retiring at twenty-seven finally satisfied with coaching. His students beat records and bring joy to the skating world. He starts to like being in the background of the skating world. JJ assigns himself co-coach as soon as Yuri begins coaching Sarah and hasn't left Yuri's side since. Yuri buys a nicer condo closer to the rink and JJ manages to buy the one across the hall. Even though they see each other almost everyday they still somehow maintain their own spaces.

Their differences make the difference it would seem. Yuri discovers that JJ communicates enough for the both of them and JJ seems to listen when Yuri does speak up and it works. No 'on-again off-again', just existing together. Still unable to really express how they feel about the other. JJ somehow stays committed regardless to the flippancy they had agreed upon and it means more to Yuri than he cares to admit. JJ meets him wherever he is and that's all Yuri really needs.


End file.
